5 Fascinating Facts About Cheating

No, we are not talking about cheat sheets and notes written on legs, arms and soda bottles. We are talking about the type of cheating that elicits sayings like: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” and results in crimes of passion or grave bodily injury. Why? Because who doesn’t like scandalous philandering? Well, maybe not the people the people that are on the receiving end of the philanderers’ behavior. These are some crazy facts about cheating.

Cheating Helps Evolution

piggy dude

This an alternative version of the ascension of man, as interpreted by someone that was cheated on.


Ok, so if there is one tired excuse every cheater has used it’s “But honey it’s an evolutionary strategy that diversifies the gene pool and allows our species to rapidly evolve”. No, nobody…;really, man you guys aren’t even going for the low hanging fruit. Well, you are but only when you’re at the bar trying to cheat (HA-BURN). Anyhow, any species from microbes to full blown complex biological organisms (that’s us!) have a priotity list that goes: breath, feed, breed. That means that spreading our genetic material (giggidy) is hard-coded not only into our DNA, but in the fundamental functions of all biological organisms.


money man walter white

Um, you will most likely be cheated on Walter…oh crap yeah I forgot about season 3….sorry man.


So, this is pretty weird but statics have shown that the more one spouse is dependent on the other, the higher the chance that the dependent spouse will stray from their marital bonds. Couples that equally contribute to household tend to have a healthier (or at least a more monogamous) relationship.


cheating bastard!!

No, baby, I’m completely happy with anna…I mean you.


There is a fine line between sex, relationships and absolute abject horror, so consider this. Even if you are completely happy and content in your relationship, either you or your partner might bump uglies with someone outside the relationship because there is a specific gene that creates conflict, inhibits bonding between couples and, in general, creates the prerequisites for cheating.


cheating couple

Oh, no honey she’s just here checking the integrity of the wall..why am I under her? Well, she needs a little boost, so I used my penis, since my arms were sore, from being on top…I mean on top of our household expenses!


I don’t like people; I prefer to drink in a dark, dank room than be around happy, laughing people, because even laughing, happy people are complete assholes. This little bit of information doesn’t help. According to some science-y folks, the phenomena of mate poaching is on the rise. Although mate poaching is pretty self-explanatory, I have a word count to hit, so this is what it is: its someone trying to get someone that is in a relationship to be with them (the poacher). So, even if someone has no intention of cheating, the poacher might solicit, manipulate and get them to break up. See, I told you everyone’s an asshole.

The Brain’s an A$$hole

fuck you brain

What the picture says.


As I’ve mentioned many times before, the brain is a complete and utter asshole, even when dealing with arguably the most noble of emotions, love. The brain has three distinct ways to interpret love and it’s compartmentalized to hell, kinda. The way the brain categorizes love is: romantic love; the puppy love infatuation that is key to getting that hawtee (male or female). Attachment; which is they type of love that is forged between a couple when rearing their genetic mishmashes (children). And finally, sex drive; where the brain coerces you into doing it with as many partners as possible to spread your genetic material (giggidy). Remember when I said it’s compartmentalized to hell, kinda, well, that’s because you can feel all three different categories of love at the same time, for three different asshole humans.

See Also: 8 Mind-blowing Facts Nobody Told You About Gold

Are you a cheater? Then shame on you! Leave your name in the comment section below so all the upstanding faithful people can berate you.