You Don’t Need Each Other
Feeling that you need another person in order to live your every day life can be toxic and the relationship may become detrimental to your mental health.
There are major differences between dating someone who completes you and dating someone who complements you.
He or she might “take care” of you and offer you a sense of security, but this mentality leads to an unhealthy relationship; one where you can’t function without the other person.
The couples who text each other constantly, spend every night together, and throw a fit when one cannot attend a certain event, don’t always have enough going on in their own lives.
There should be some sense of mystery in a relationship. This doesn’t mean you don’t know what the other person is doing or that you hide things from each other. Instead, you let your partner to do his or her own thing during the day. Later, once you two do spend time together, you are able to have a conversation about how each other’s day went.
A healthy relationship is one where:
1. You give each other space.
When he or she goes out with friends, you don’t blow up his or her phone with texts. If you trust your partner, you know that he or she is just enjoying time spent with loved ones. You don’t have to know where your partner is every second of every day.
2. You support each other’s goals, even if it means seeing each other less.
If your partner wants to go back to school, while also staying at his or her current job, this could mean seeing that person only a few nights a week.
3. You have friends outside of your relationship.
This tends to be more of a problem in college, where the line separating your worlds isn’t always clear. As adults, it can be a little easier to make sure your worlds aren’t so intertwined. Spending time with each other’s friends is healthy, but having a separate world outside of each other allows for less drama in case of a fight or even a breakup.
You’ll have your friends that you can go to without running the risk of seeing each other during a messy time.
4. You apologize after a fight, give each other time, then discuss what went wrong.
Blurting out “I’m sorry” may temporarily ease any pain, but whatever went wrong in the first place needs to be discussed when both of you have cooled down.
Allowing a little space and then having a conversation about the matter can lead to strengthening any areas of the relationship that need more development.
No relationship is perfect, and fights can actually be healthy. Just make sure the fights stay fair. You are allowed to be emotional; you are only human. Now you have the opportunity to fix a problem of which you may not have even been aware.
5. You can achieve your goals with or without the other person.
His or her support may mean the world to you, and it may even be one of the factors that keeps you going, but you are self-sufficient and don’t need it.
Your goals are yours, and you want to achieve them for yourself. These can be a career goals or a health goals, or anything that you feel is something that would further you as an individual.
Your partner can witness your success and can share in your personal growth and happiness. He or she should not, however, be the only reason you felt the need to go after your dreams.
Relationships are partnerships. When two people are co-dependent, they lose sight of why they are dating, who they are as individuals, and what they ultimately want for themselves and not just the relationship. Your dreams and goals, your friends and family, and your independence are what make you who you are.
The right person will support you to become who you want to be, but they cannot define who you are.