So we’re talking about sex again…;as expected, I mean people like to do it, read about it and see other people do it. It’s probably the most natural and human thing in the world. But no matter how natural it is sometimes people have trouble with it. It makes sense; it’s a vulnerable, intimate act and if you have even the slightest insecurities, they will be immediately amplified when you take your clothes off. That’s where a sex therapist comes in; they dig deep into your psyche to find why you have intimacy issues or why you are aroused by trees. Hey, whatever gets your rocks off, I’m not one to judge. As with any job, though, as externalized as it is, it is also introspective, and you will learn just as much as you…;ehm…;therapize, this is what you learn about sex as a sex therapist.
Guilt is Anti-Viagra
So, I start this article with the second most popular thing on the internet: scandal. Sometimes sexual dysfunction (it happens to women too) can be a result of guilt. This is especially true if one of two partners is cheating. In a Cracked.com article on the subject, the S.T. said they had a client that would bring men into their marital bed to boink them profusely. Unfortunately, there is a certain ‘firmness’ which is required during profuse boinking which none of these men had…the woman started to feel unattractive from her multiple partners’ ‘softness’ and the sexual dysfunction affect her too.
The therapist found that the men were probably feeling guilt over boinking another man’s wife, in the man’s bed and the woman (wife) started to feel not only unattractive but also guilty. Beyond that sometimes performance anxiety can have a crippling effect on both sexual appetite and sexual performance…;like I said the brain is a complete a$$hole, instead of leaving you alone in your nakedness, it points out your nakedness and then makes you feel self-conscious about it.
Sexual Ignorance Is Rampant
Honestly, all types of ignorance are rampant, and that’s why we have campaigns against cups. The sexual kind of ignorance though is almost as disquieting. People don’t know their body, what each bit does and what you can do to make said bits feel better. I mean there is a fundamental understanding, where to put what, but beyond that, an in-depth knowledge of what you like and dislike is different. To compound the ignorance, the taboo surrounding sex also inhibits a lot of people from expressing what they really like in bed, even if it is putting acorn caps on your nipples and doing it to chipmunk sounds.
I mean if you don’t ask you won’t know…;you might even want to drop hints, like sending your partner nude photos of you with acorn caps on your nipples and see how they react. If they immediate call you and say: “What the hell?!!!” You might want to refrain from revealing your chipmunk based fetish and brush it off as a joke. Then when they come home leave a trail of acorns from the front door to the bedroom, where you will be waiting wearing nothing but acorn nipple caps and chipmunk ear-headband, with chipmunk chirping playing in the background. Even if it’s not your fetish, that is bound to get anyone in the mood…;I think.
They Want, But They Won’t Give
Call it what you want: I scratch your back you scratch mine or the dingaling for a dingalong (I just made that up, use it freely), but any sexual relationship needs to based on giving rather than taking. The more you give, the more aroused your partner will become, and then you will both have fun. Now if your partner is a giver too, and they arouse you to the brink of no return, then you have a mind-blowing sex session on your hands.
Unfortunately, though people prefer take than give, and that ends up making sex a routine, dull engagement with one or both parties disappointed.
Communication is Key, But
As a sex therapist, you will find that time and time again communication, as an integral part of any romantic relationship is often overlooked or completely ignored. Sexual satisfaction is as mental as it is physical, if a partner feels neglected, ignored and underappreciated, this can put a wedge between sexual partners that will create distance both inside and outside the bedroom. This is a reciprocal vicious cycle, one partner becomes distant and cold, and then the other partner responds similarly and eventually nobody is having sex anywhere at any time.
That sucks. No sex is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship…;actually breaking up is the worst thing that can happen to a relationship, but we are taking for granted that the relationship we are talking about is intact. Sex is a healthy and necessary part of a relationship and actually might strengthen it as, post-boinking hormones promote trust, infatuation and obviously intimacy.
Sex Destroyer: Routine
It may seem shocking to you, but most people don’t know that a routine is the best way to destroy a couple’s sex life. Some couples due to hectic schedules and social obligations, even set up a specific day to have sex and engage in private parts rubbing just because they feel obligated to. The problem is you need to want to have sex, not just do it because you feel you have to. There are many ways to re-kindle the fire.
The first way is to open the doors of communication see why the couple’s sex life is in a rut. It could be because they don’t feel as attracted to each other as before, so dedicating a bit more time to personal upkeep and appearance might be the only thing necessary to put their sex-drive in overdrive. Another reason is that they are bored with their bedroom stimulation, so introducing toys, role-play or even new locations can have a positive effect on the couple’s sexy time. If all options are exhausted, it might be time to dive into the deeper factors at play, from the mental to the physical. Things as simple blood pressure medication can put you out for the count for weeks after stopping them.
Are you a sex therapist who would like to share what you learned while on the job? Let us know in the comment section below!